As my first mother’s day is approaching, I look back to remember how I dreamt of my first mother’s day. For so many years and even before I found or thought about having a husband. When I innocently wrapped my mom’s saree around me and played with a doll.

My first mother’s day looks nothing like I imagined, my arms are still empty and so is my womb! But my heart is so full of love. So what do I now wish for mother’s day?

I wish every mother’s arms would be full and I wish babies won’t die. I wish no woman has to suffer infertility, I wish she would hear the screams of all her children that she carried in her living room. I wish no mother had to leave her child behind in the hospital. But as a mother who has lost her child, I know the devastating pain of how these wishes would never come true.

So what do I really wish now?

I wish the world will still celebrate mothers with living children for their effort, love, and sacrifice. 

However, the world doesn’t seem to recognize the mother’s who don’t have children in their arms. It doesn’t seem to recognize the hurt of a mother who isn’t sure what to do when the pastor asks all the mothers to rise up in the church. Actually, I am quite relieved that we don’t have a physical church gathering this year. Because I can’t imagine me sitting awkwardly and shedding tears during the pastor’s appreciation. 

And sometimes the world sees her only as a mother of two when it should be seeing her as a mother of four!

There are mothers in this world who only carry children in her womb. There are mothers who have been told they could never have a child on their own. There are mothers who are on the waiting list for adoption. There are mothers who would do anything to carry weight in their empty arms.

It’s hard for us bereaved mothers, every day to survive without our children in this world. It’s harder on these special days.

I really wish that the world would acknowledge and celebrate every one of those mothers. I wish that the world would rip the stigma, and see a mother for who she is underneath the scar. 

I wish the world will remember the true meaning of a mother.

To all the mothers who shared with me their stories, and to the mothers in the world, I acknowledge your tears, your heartache, your vulnerability, and your love for all your children. I hope you will have a gentle mother’s day.

Sincerely,

Agnes

PS: I am aware of the bereaved mother’s day and father’s day. It is still ok to acknowledge them on both days and actually we deserve it!

 

 

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