Our prayers pleading God for miracles started as soon as we heard those dreadful words. “Jesus, Not now!” was my first scream. We prayed for Lazarus’ kind of miracle because I know my God is able. We prayed that we should be able to prove the doctors wrong. And yet, survival is the form of miracle that we received.

On the birth bed, with Elliot on my chest, with Jeppe by my side and my younger brother on the other side of the video call, I sang one of my favorite songs of all time.

“I will sing, I will praise

Even in my darkest hour 

Through the sorrow and the pain, I will sing!”

My voice was shaky and trembling, and my words evaporated, but somehow the tune did not change. How could I trust a God who took my child away? My question back to you, “How could I not?”

Because at this point in life, I have nothing more to lose. Trusting him did not diminish the pain, I sit with it this very day. In my disappointment, and hurt rises songs of my Hope. 

And my faith is not tied with what He will give me, But it’s tied with who He is. I know who my God is. And I know His characters, and I know He is faithful.

So Jesus asked the Twelve, “Do you want to leave too?” Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life”

John 6: 67, 68

It’s 8 years since I received the report saying, “I suffer from complex forms of infertility.” The journey hasn’t been easy. And until this very day, I know what my current doctor’s report looks like.

But, there will still be miracles and I don’t doubt it. But Even if not, My God is still good. Even if not, He is still God.

And I choose to trust him, MIRACLES OR NOT!

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