We were getting ready to run our final lap of the pregnancy race. And then we were hit by life’s hardest turn that changed the course of our lives forever.

Our son “Elliot Jensen” was born sleeping on February 27th 6.06 in the morning. He was born on week 36 of my pregnancy after we knew that his little heart stopped beating probably on Monday 24th February. 

It is hard to swallow and process the worst nightmare of our lives. Even in our worst nightmare we never thought about giving birth to our son who will be born sleeping.

There are hardly words that can explain the pain in our hearts and the weight of our empty arms. And mere words cannot explain that our hands held a perfectly beautiful boy whom we did not get to keep and whom we did not get to bring home. 

No one ever told me how hard it is to go through a pregnancy postpartum without the existence of a child. And I cannot blame my physical body for not knowing that he doesn’t exist in my arms anymore and continues to embrace him.

But amidst this craziness of life, we can say for sure that we had the best 8 months of our lives with our son and he was perfect inside out. We love our little boy “Elliot” to the moon and back. Never in our lives have we felt a love like this that is so intense and deep. We promised that we will do our best for him. 

Elliot had a beautiful memorial service and funeral and was laid to rest on the 6th of March. Now he is an angel and heaven holds our boy. And he is resting in God’s perfect arms. And one day we will get to hold him again in heaven.

We are so thankful to God for the lovely people that He surrounded us with. They jumped into the grief together with us not asking how deep it is and giving us shoulders to cry on. Without their support and prayers, we would be doomed.

Unfortunately, there is no erase button for grief and grief is not a one-day visitor. Grief is a process and we are learning to live our new-normal with it where our beautiful Elliot will always be our firstborn and we are his parents. Our arms might not get to hold our Elliot anymore but our hearts definitely do. 

I will share our story and how our lives’ new normal looks like on this platform. And I come to share our feelings so raw and vulnerable. Unlike an adult’s death, a child’s death is so rarely talked about or acknowledged. 

I choose to honor Elliot’s life and acknowledge his existence. To make the world see how much he is loved.

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