Dear J, 

You are a wonderful husband, and today, I see you as a loving father. 

You were a father when your face lit up, seeing the second line on a stick. When we stood in awe, what it all meant. When you never failed to ask every morning, “How is little Elliot doing today?” When you fell asleep every night, your hands wrapped around your son and me. When you patiently wait for him to kick, so you can feel it.

You were a father when our world was crashing down when the words were uttered, “Sorry, there is no heartbeat. Your son died.” 

You were a loving husband when you were my voice when tears were the only language I could speak. When you held me steady when the contractions hit me. When I heard you the loudest, chanting words of support, holding my hands as I breathed your son earthside in silence.

You were a loving father when I witnessed your face filled with pride and love. When you carefully cut the cord and held him close to you. When you tried to memorize every little feature of him. I saw your tears swell, and as you shut your eyes, it rolled down on your cheeks and sat on his cold skin. When you walked down the aisle with our son placed in the tiniest casket.

And as you held him, you also held my heart. You are a wonderful father, even when your fatherhood looks so different, and many don’t see it. 

Still, I see you, your love, your pride, your silent tears, and your screams. I love you more when I see you as the proud father of our child. 

You carry the weight of the fatherhood in silence, with grace and love. And today, I celebrate you. I wish you a gentle father’s day, my love.

Sincerely,

Agnes

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